On the few Sundays I shared with you and your family, while visiting from out of town, I found you genuine in your faith and passionate about your ministry.
After spending countless Sunday mornings in various churches over the last half century, I've experienced similar trouble with church more than once.
Because of this, I have learned to lament over the church, something I have found to be deep within the history and heart of God's people. Biblical lamentation is a cry (of pain or sadness) or complaint (of injustice) leading to hope.
I encourage you to continue to give voice to your lamentations, while holding on to hope, guarding your heart against resentment lest you allow a root of bitterness to grow. I hear your sadness and pain, and understand your complaint, while not sensing any bitterness..so far.
If you will continue as you are, you will find lamentation to be a means of grace and growth, strengthening your faith, enabling you to encourage others to find, and use, their voice as well.
May you continue on your pilgrimage with hope, for our King has gone before us to prepare an everlasting place, a place we call home.
Thank you so much for these kind words, Jeff. I need to more intentionally make lamentation a part of my spiritual practice. I'm doing my best to be bitter, and I think I've done okay at that. I have been processing it with trusted pastoral figures. I really don't want to be bitter, so that's a conscious part of my process, but thank you for the reminder. Pray for me, and I'll pray for you. My next post or two (maybe more?) after this will be more constructive, dealing with staying in church when it's hard to go to church, being involved with Christian community while processing church pain. Thanks again and I hope you're well!
There is so much language here that resonates in my experiences. I'm so tearful in reading this, but grateful for the way that you process and communicate about the difficult things - you encourage and empower me.
Hey Joshua, you and I overlapped in our time at IHOPKC. I recognized your name from a recommendation on Sara Billup’s Bitter Scroll sub stack and am pleased to have found your writing. I doubt you’d recognize my name but you might my face…not sure how to make that known lol
I’m sorry for your experience with church. I am thankful for your wrestle and benefit from it— thank you for your faithfulness in staying awake. Your writing and wrestle make me feel less alone— thank you for that.
My husband and I are in the DFW area and have recently left our church because of the spiritual abuse of friends and unrepentant leaders. This happened only a few months after the IHOPKC news broke. I also lost a close family member to long covid in the midst of both events and watched her gracefully ascend into glory…it’s been a year…
Wondering if you have heard of The Critical Journey by Hatberg and if so your thoughts…her concepts have given framework for what these tragedies unfold in our respective spiritual lives.
I look forward to reading more of your writing, I am fixated on liturgical elements of the faith since gaining distance from non-denominational expressions and appreciate your resources too!
Hi Alyssa, thanks for the note! I didn't know she mentioned me over there. That's cool! I got to meet Sara last year at a festival we were both speaking at and have kept in touch. Her work is great, and I'm glad it's reaching people. I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences at church and life in general. My prayers are with you and your family this morning. I don't know if you've dug through my Substack at all, but you might have gathered that we landed in an Anglican church, which we love. If you want help finding one that will be a good fit for you and your husband, let me know! I have not heard of Critical Journey, but I'll check it out! Thanks for the subscribe. I pray it's life-giving.
I’m eager to read the rest. I’m so sorry for your experience. Ricky and I have spent years wrestling with the question, “What does God really care about? What truly upsets Him?” Etc. I believe a misuse of power is at the top of the list. So often, that’s the heart of the problem. Power that is wielded for one’s own gain, fame, protection, etc. The church I’m longing for is one that walks in a meekness we’ve yet to see… anyways. Keep writing!
Thanks, Tiffany. I think you're right. When I look at Jesus' interactions with different leadership and power structures and they way oppressed people who would follow God, but couldn't because of the elitism of the structures. There's a lot more to say... lol. I hope to communicate meekness and humility as a way forward for the church. And thanks for always encouraging me to keep writing!
Wow - Joshua, just wow. I am sorry this happened. I had to pause when you reflected on how they responded "sweetly," I know that feeling all too well. It's not easy; thank you for sharing!
Joshua,
On the few Sundays I shared with you and your family, while visiting from out of town, I found you genuine in your faith and passionate about your ministry.
After spending countless Sunday mornings in various churches over the last half century, I've experienced similar trouble with church more than once.
Because of this, I have learned to lament over the church, something I have found to be deep within the history and heart of God's people. Biblical lamentation is a cry (of pain or sadness) or complaint (of injustice) leading to hope.
I encourage you to continue to give voice to your lamentations, while holding on to hope, guarding your heart against resentment lest you allow a root of bitterness to grow. I hear your sadness and pain, and understand your complaint, while not sensing any bitterness..so far.
If you will continue as you are, you will find lamentation to be a means of grace and growth, strengthening your faith, enabling you to encourage others to find, and use, their voice as well.
May you continue on your pilgrimage with hope, for our King has gone before us to prepare an everlasting place, a place we call home.
I look forward to seeing you there.
Thank you so much for these kind words, Jeff. I need to more intentionally make lamentation a part of my spiritual practice. I'm doing my best to be bitter, and I think I've done okay at that. I have been processing it with trusted pastoral figures. I really don't want to be bitter, so that's a conscious part of my process, but thank you for the reminder. Pray for me, and I'll pray for you. My next post or two (maybe more?) after this will be more constructive, dealing with staying in church when it's hard to go to church, being involved with Christian community while processing church pain. Thanks again and I hope you're well!
There is so much language here that resonates in my experiences. I'm so tearful in reading this, but grateful for the way that you process and communicate about the difficult things - you encourage and empower me.
Hey Joshua, you and I overlapped in our time at IHOPKC. I recognized your name from a recommendation on Sara Billup’s Bitter Scroll sub stack and am pleased to have found your writing. I doubt you’d recognize my name but you might my face…not sure how to make that known lol
I’m sorry for your experience with church. I am thankful for your wrestle and benefit from it— thank you for your faithfulness in staying awake. Your writing and wrestle make me feel less alone— thank you for that.
My husband and I are in the DFW area and have recently left our church because of the spiritual abuse of friends and unrepentant leaders. This happened only a few months after the IHOPKC news broke. I also lost a close family member to long covid in the midst of both events and watched her gracefully ascend into glory…it’s been a year…
Wondering if you have heard of The Critical Journey by Hatberg and if so your thoughts…her concepts have given framework for what these tragedies unfold in our respective spiritual lives.
I look forward to reading more of your writing, I am fixated on liturgical elements of the faith since gaining distance from non-denominational expressions and appreciate your resources too!
Hi Alyssa, thanks for the note! I didn't know she mentioned me over there. That's cool! I got to meet Sara last year at a festival we were both speaking at and have kept in touch. Her work is great, and I'm glad it's reaching people. I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences at church and life in general. My prayers are with you and your family this morning. I don't know if you've dug through my Substack at all, but you might have gathered that we landed in an Anglican church, which we love. If you want help finding one that will be a good fit for you and your husband, let me know! I have not heard of Critical Journey, but I'll check it out! Thanks for the subscribe. I pray it's life-giving.
I’m eager to read the rest. I’m so sorry for your experience. Ricky and I have spent years wrestling with the question, “What does God really care about? What truly upsets Him?” Etc. I believe a misuse of power is at the top of the list. So often, that’s the heart of the problem. Power that is wielded for one’s own gain, fame, protection, etc. The church I’m longing for is one that walks in a meekness we’ve yet to see… anyways. Keep writing!
Thanks, Tiffany. I think you're right. When I look at Jesus' interactions with different leadership and power structures and they way oppressed people who would follow God, but couldn't because of the elitism of the structures. There's a lot more to say... lol. I hope to communicate meekness and humility as a way forward for the church. And thanks for always encouraging me to keep writing!
Wow - Joshua, just wow. I am sorry this happened. I had to pause when you reflected on how they responded "sweetly," I know that feeling all too well. It's not easy; thank you for sharing!